I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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