Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
