I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
