he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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