I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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