uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
