My liver just broke up with me...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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