Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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