I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
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Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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