Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
