also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Randomize
