You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is wine microwaveable?
you didnt know i had herpes?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
