I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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