So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
