Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
