I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
