Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize