I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!