I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.