it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.