He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool