You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
