honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
