Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
