People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
