Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize