dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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