you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
