What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wear drunk well.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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