You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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