No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you never un-have a 4some
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
