I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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