I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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