Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
