What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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