I feel like I'm in dance class right now
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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