I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
