I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
