does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
