No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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