if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
