Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is it because I queefed?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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