I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
