she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
