I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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