Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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