My friends, they love my intelligence
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
