I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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