Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
