I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
