You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
