i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize