i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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