Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Randomize
