You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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