I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
