there's paper in my vomit.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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