yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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