i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
