Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize