They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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