She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
