I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
