I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
