Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
