So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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