Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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